i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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