I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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