happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
