can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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