you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
two words...techno handjob
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
