So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
