Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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