I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
