A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
