South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
