How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I will pee on everything he values.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
