His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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