I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
