i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
