Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize