It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
