its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
