I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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