Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
