i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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