then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
