somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
