My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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