i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Pants are for mortals
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
