my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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