He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
