My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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