I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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