So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
