My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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