it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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