She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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