I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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