I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
