Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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