Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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