and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
