just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
