my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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