I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
