i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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