im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
