is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
