Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
