thus making me awesome and them whores
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
