Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
