I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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