Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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