Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
