Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
only you would photoshop your dick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
