how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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