In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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