I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
