it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
