fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
