I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize