so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your penis caused this!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
