and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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