His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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