Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
