part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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