Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
