Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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