well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
