Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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