Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
