I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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