so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
